"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
