shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
