You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
