We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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