i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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