I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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