i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
