the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
