his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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