1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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