I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
