***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
