Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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