I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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