It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
