Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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