You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
