I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
