ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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