i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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