I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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