ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
