tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
