Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
