I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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