Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize