He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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