They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
