mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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