i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
