I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
this is an emotional support booty call
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
