I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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