New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
