I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
