It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
