pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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