So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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