Don't you send me to vm
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
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Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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