Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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