Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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