So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
