i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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