if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We were destined to go to rehab together
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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