They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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