Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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