Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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