I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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