the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
