So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
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level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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