i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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