I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
