I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
