I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I understand Curling. That high.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
