So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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