Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
