Don't you send me to vm
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
