Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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