Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
