I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
