I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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