You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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