I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
