Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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