You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
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