is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Found the puke drawer
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
